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People who are too aggressive, dominating, or distancing or people who are too passive, submissive, or dependent may generally have problems forming close relationships.People who are not reliable, trustworthy, honest also will have problems forming close, lasting relationships; as will people who have personal problems with addictions or other habits that seriously interfere with relationships. One theory of attachment or love states that one's feeling of attachment to another is related to the intensity and number of positive contacts divided by the number of negative contacts (times the number of contacts).
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* More on Introductions * How To Be An Interesting Conversationalist: The Concept of Free Information * Establish Conversational Balance, Equality, and Intimacy * How personal/intimate is the topic * Establish Trust: Trust and Responsible Behavior Begets Trust * Are You Compatible Giving and Receiving Basic Information * Variables Affecting the Success of Any Relationship * Develop (And Practice) a Brief Meeting People Strategy * Asking Questions Effectively * Conversational Styles * Characteristics of intimate conversations * Drawing Your Partners Feelings Out * Romantic Conversations * Controversial Topics and Intimacy * Continuing A Successful Conversation: Develop your Internal Observer * Revealing Potentially Embarrassing Information * What If You Want to Date Someone Who Has a Lot More Experience than You * What To Do When You Can’t Think of Anything To Talk About * How to Win Friends, Influence People, and be Loved By Women: Empathetic Listening Skills * Empathetic Listening Skills as Conversation Generators * Non-Verbal Communication: Using Body Language to Build Closeness * The Importance of Physical Attractiveness * Problems With Your Physical Appearance * Physical Illnesses, Disability, or Similar Problems * Issues Related To Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) * Mild to Moderate Psychological Problems * Problems That Almost Always Destroy Relationships * The pace of the relationship.
For example, many people share beliefs that flowers, cards, "romantic" music or movies, lighting, and romantic talk are "romantic." Those beliefs cause a romantic reaction in the believer when any of those stimuli are present under the right conditions.
Someone without those beliefs will have little reaction to receiving flowers or sitting by a fire.
Before you can have a happy, close and long-lasting relationship with another person, you must first develop yourself until you can meet the minimal standards of what a potential partner (like the one you want) would need from you. This theory may be an oversimplification, but think about it for a minute.
Ask yourself, honestly, what someone who you want is looking for. If you have 10 contacts with someone and the overwhelming feeling you get each time is happiness, how do you feel?
I have counseled with and taught these skills to hundreds of people seeking ways of becoming more outgoing and assertive, more confident, and more able to develop close relationships with others-especially others in romantic situations.
If you are also concerned about fear of rejection and lack of self-confidence, read my short self-help manual, Beyond Fear of Rejection and Loneliness to Self-Confidence at
If you think you have a long way to go, then it is helpful to know that others have gone even further.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating